Of course you're all right. I SHOULD be the one to contact my natural father. I guess I let the shock of it all carry me along and I ignored the little voice in my head telling me the same thing.
I just emailed her and asked her to hold off on contacting him.
You know how we were talking about "Him" this weekend? And how you were going to write him?
If you haven't written him yet yourself, can you hold off? See, the thing is, for my whole life, I've let others do things for me...because there is less chance of getting in trouble if someone else takes the heat, you know?
But now, I feel like I'm supposed to contact him myself...to let the chips fall as they may. I'll let you read my email to him before I send it...but I really think it needs to be me to do the driving on this.
Does any of that make sense? I love you and don't want to offend you by even suggesting all of this but at some point, I need to step up and take the heat for myself :)
So now I'll wait to see what she says...but in the meantime, I'm going to start drafting a letter...to "Him".
Updated on 12/6/10: Soooo, she had already written him. And now feels lousy about it because she's afraid I'm mad. I did tell her though that regardless of his response to her, I'm going to write him myself.
You are brave!
ReplyDeleteI dont think its bad that she wrote him first. Its almost as though its a buffer before the big email from you! (He wont as as shocked once he sees your wrote..)You are in my thoughts!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how once the possiblity is there the obession/desire kicks in to high gear. I wish you the opposite reaction my father had...he could not be bothered when my mother was pregnant and couldn't be bothered when I contacted him because you know that 10 minute phone would be just too much effort. It hurt.
ReplyDeleteWill be thinking only good things for you!
Keep us posted! I hope it all works out.
ReplyDeleteOnya! Hope it bears good fruit for you.
ReplyDeleteSending you good thoughts & positive outcome vibes!!!
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best of luck and peace through this process!
ReplyDeleteIt is sooo hard to write letters! I am glad that you are planning to write to him yourself, even though your natural mother already sent him a note. I am immensely proud of you for writing to your nmom, too, and telling her what you need and want.
ReplyDeleteYou are courageous and beautiful.