Thursday, October 28, 2010

Comments From Someone Who Obviously Knows Everything About Me And What I'm About

I received some very enlightening comments on my Pity, Party of One..Your Table's Ready post.  Her name is Chris and she's the blog author of 2 Chicks 1 Hatchling.

Here's the first comment from Chris:

With all due respect from one human being to another, if you would stop attacking other people's writings that you disagree with, perhaps you could focus your energy in a more positive direction. I think its very sad that your blog is directed to making judgments on others. People want to be friends with others that are happy. I dont know what it will take for you to come to terms with your life at it is, and not how you wanted it to be, but I hope you find it. I sincerely doubt that seeking out "Blogs of Shame" and judging other peoples lives is helping you to find what you seek. Perhaps you could volunteer your time to a more worthy cause.


friend of a happy, healthy, adopted child
And my response:
Chris, with "all due respect" the fact that you are a friend of a happy, healthy, adopted child doesn't mean shit to me. Come back and comment on my blog when you're the friend of a happy, healthy adopted adult.

See, what you don't understand is that I don't discuss my issues with being adopted with the "real world". To the outside world, I'm a mother, a girlfriend, a working professional, a good listener, someone who would drop everything to help people out...but here, I can let my feelings out. Much like the AP's I come across in Blogland let all their feelings out.

I have the right to disagree with them. Sorry...but last time I checked, AP's don't hold a monopoly on blogging. Last time I checked, it's not normal to covet someone else's child or to call pregnant women "Breeders" or to pray that a grieving father gives his infant child up simply because there's an infertile couple waiting to scoop the baby up.

Not all the blogs I gift the Blog o' Shame awards to are ones that I've found. Often, they are passed on to me from friends and even complete strangers.

Perhaps you should volunteer at an adoptee support group to see what I'm talking about and what issues you think I should be able to just get over.

So, she decided to post a rebuttal:

My apologies, I said "child" because she was a child when she was adopted. She is now 43. (A former boyfriend of mine lived his whole life in foster care. He was never adopted, and now resides in a prison.)

Also, I did not suggest that you should "just get over" anything. I said that seeking out and attacking others that disagree with you wasn't helping your cause. You have every right to disagree with whomever you choose and use whatever hurtful words you like. If that's what makes you happy, then go for it. The only reason I posted to start with at all was because you mentioned you were unhappy. I think that your negativity may be part of that. Acceptance, forgiveness, and love do amazing things for the soul.
Rather than reply there, I've decided to write down my thoughts in a new post.
The problem, Chris, is that many times adopted adults are treated as children.  We are told to just "get over it" (it being our adoptions and displeasure at growing up with strangers)...that our heritage doesn't matter at all...that we should be thankful for being saved from a dumpster or a crack addicted mother or name-another-horrible situation.
What amuses me is that you give two examples of adopted persons that you know.  One is 43 and is a "happy, healthy, adopted child"..and the other was in foster care, never adopted and is now in *gasp* prison.  Poor foster care boy, huh?  If he'd only been adopted, he NEVER would have ended up in prison, right?  I know people who grew up with their natural parents who ended up on the wrong your implied theory is crap.
I speak out for adoptees who can't yet speak for themselves.  I speak out for adoptees who CAN speak for themselves.  I speak out.  And if you're offended by my tone, then it's your perogative to click the little red "X" in the upper right hand corner of your monitor.  I'll continue to read blogs...I'll continue to write my posts.
I'm NOT happy that there are blogs out there that proclaim that waiting for a mother to give up their child is the same as being pregnant..."paper pregnancy".  I'm NOT happy that there are blogs out there that say that God called them to adopt.  No..the Creator didn't.  They called themselves to adopt.  I'm NOT happy that there are adults who aren't allowed to have their original birth certificates.  I'm NOT happy that there are people who can go to a sperm bank and pick some swimmies and make a child that will never know his/her father. 
That doesn't mean that I don't have happiness in my life.  I have a solid support system.  My boyfriend has stood by me through very bad times...he knows about the abuse..knows about the issues I have with my adoptive mother and adoption in general and loves me all the more for what I've been through.  My children make me happy...24/7.  They are my flesh and blood.  And before I was found by my natural mother, they were the only people in whose eyes I could see myself.  My reunion makes me happy.  Regardless of the pain and the what-ifs that I deal with, I am happy that I was found and that I have natural family members who love me unconditionally.
You told me that "Acceptance, forgiveness, and love do amazing things for the soul".  Yes..they do.
I've accepted that I was adopted into an abusive shithole of a household.  Do I have to like it and keep my mouth shut about it just because I accept it?  Nope.
I've forgiven my natural mother for feeling scared and giving me up for adoption.  Do I have to like THAT and keep my mouth shut about it just because I've forgiven her?
I have love in my life.  Great love.  But that does NOT mean I have to keep my mouth shut and not say things that I think need to be said about the atrocities that are caused...yes, adoption.


  1. She's not telling you to keep your mouth shut. She's saying that attacking others is probably not productive for you or for your cause.

  2. (((((EK))))

    Another one of these people who obviously knows everything because she knows an adoptee. Good for her. Because knowing an adoptee somehow beats being adopted?? Not sure how that works but, for her it seems to. Just shows how much she thinks of herself.

    Funny how people like to start a comment with words like "All due respect" but are really just starting to write a comment that is judgmental and holds no respect of knowledge of what they are writing about.

    She thinks its sad you are highlighting the truth about people. Riiiiight. Okay. Because the alternative, being quiet about it will help?? Um, no.

    And telling you to volunteer your time to a "more worthy cause"... okay, who does SHE think she is?? Oh thats right, she is obviously a perfect, all-knowing, example of a TRY-HARD.

    She goes on and on about what kind of people others want to be friends with. And she would know, how exactly? She is not the human respresentative. She knows only her narrow little world and everything in it has to be fake. Her whole comment reeked of sickly sweetness, fake, fake, fake.

    Ewwwwwwwwwww. She is obviously ignorant of the REAL issues in adoption and thus feels the need to preach to others through a hole in her head.

    Love you EK and I am with you all the way!! You have a lot of friends she knows nothing about both here and IRL. Love it when people read a blog post and think the whole of your life.

  3. Mongoose, EK isn't attacking anyone. She is bringing to light people who live in lalaland about adoption.

  4. I dont see how pointing out others such as she did is attacking. If she was pointing out a child rapist would that be considered an attack. Adoptors who prey on the vulnerable need to be exposed are the predators that they are.

  5. You just got to love being told that your whole life is sad and negative just because you don't like adoption. It's so nice to be judged solely on one aspect of your life. As Myst said, once again someone who knows one adoptee is the expert on adoption, not the person who has lived it. What you do is very important Cricket, and never stop doing it! These people with their massive sense of entitlement should be ashamed of themselves and more people need to point that out to them. There are plenty of people on the AP and PAP blogs willing to pat them on the back, what they really need is someone like you to give them a dose of reality,

  6. I love you.

    I hate it when eejits throw their know-nothing-nonsense at you. But then I know you'll chuck it right back at them countered with a coherent argument, and perhaps it will make a difference.

    I think you're much stronger than I. Every time I engage in AP and PAP and certain other blogs I start thinking seriously of killing myself. I can't handle the aggro. You are my hero. As Myst said, these people really need wakeup calls.

  7. I think that pointing out atrocious blogs is VERY productive to "our cause". Just remember....some people thought it was ok for people to own slaves. They thought it was ok for African Americans to be discriminated against, to be called "nigger" and to sit in the back of the bus.

    Some people thought it was ok for women to be chattel. For women to not vote....because they were women.

    People who were TIRED of being oppressed or tired of watching oppression rose up and started a movement. Its NOT ok for infertiles to coerce pregnant women into surrendering their children. Its not ok to live in a world where some countries allows children to be bought and sold.

    Don't like it? Tough shit.

    Rock on, Christina, rock on. Never allow ignorant people to silence you. They are the problem.

  8. Even if one is adopted by a 'good' family, that doesn't take away the pain of first being abandoned and then growing up always feeling on the fringe of our adoptive families...just never quite a part of them. It hurts. A lot. I think only adoptees can really understand the extent of that pain. There is no way to just move on, it's a part of us. You can't get away from something that is part of you. You carry it with you for your whole life.

  9. I think your blog is well written and important. It isn't always easy, and I don't always share all your views or all the views of your readers, but that makes it no less important. I try to be the best mother I can. To be aware of and embrace my children's whole familiy and whole heritage, which extends far beyond the walls of our home. I hope I am a better person and a better parent because of you.

  10. What a rose colored world of blissful self assurance I would live in if the only voice I listened to was my own.

    I think you provide a service. Not every one has to like it or agree with it. Others opinions and perspectives make us stronger more intelligent people.

  11. I always seem to be quoting Linda, but I will do it again: "Rock on, Christina, rock on. Never allow ignorant people to silence you. They are the problem."

    Yeah, what she said.

    You are awesome and your voice is needed.


  12. Have you ever noticed that those who love adoption are mostly not adult adoptees?Could it be that we know something they don't?
    Adult adoptees are beginning to speak their truth.It is up to all the community to support that and to learn from what has happened in the past.Anyone who supports an unethical, immoral adoption industry needs to do some serious research.

  13. I am tired of people who get all high, mighty and righteous when others speak the truth about adoption. And I am also tired of adoptee and first mother/father viewpoints being discounted simply because we don't agree with the portrayal of adoption as 100% happy-fluffy. The truth is adoption begins in loss. There is also a lot not to like about adoption: the corruption, the lies, the secrets, the trafficking of children, the coercion of mothers, the dismissal of fathers, the falsification of birth certificates... Should we push all that under the rug, or should we try to make things better?

    What Linda said. All of the blogs Cricket has awarded the Blog Of Shame are egregious examples of PAP/AP entitlement and failure of adoption agencies to manage expectations. I have respect for those PAPs/APs who try to learn from adult adoptees and first parents, and who recognize that adoption first and foremost is supposed to be about finding homes for children who actually need them as opposed to finding children for people who want them. The ones I don't have respect for are the ones who discount the experiences of others because it might make them *gasp* re-evaluate their worldviews.

  14. Wow! People never amaze me to the extent that they can be full of themselves-- not mention full of it period.

    From the perspective of this amom.

    "Acceptance, forgiveness, and love do amazing things for the soul"

    Just because a person does all of these things doesn't mean they have to/need to/ or SHOULD forget the reason for which "acceptance and forgiveness" is needed.

    How dangerous could that be?!

    Just because you forgive something doesn't mean you shouldn't take actions you feel are necessary to prevent the situation from happening again to yourself, loved ones, or anyone else.

    I think this blog does a great job giving of giving a voice to Adoptees and it can do a great job of informing PAP and AP as well if folks are willing to read it and really think about what is being said.

  15. She's definitely not an avid reader of your blog... she obviously missed your recent post with the video link about forgiveness. Duh! What an idiot.

    She wants you to get over something? Get over her.

    Good writing. Your journal - your feelings. Why don't people get that? Is it just because it's online???

  16. And let's not forget, that "Chris" and her "chick" are going to play Mommy & Mommy to someone else's child. Hopefully, this donor kid will have access to his or her natural father some day. But Im sure this donor kid will be subjected to all sorts of garbage. Poor "hatchling".

  17. She doesn't like hearing the truth does she?

  18. You know, you should be more positive. Just like in all thoses AP/PAP blogs that you give awards to! Think of all the nice, positive things they have to say about birthmothers! Think of all the kind, supportive things they say to adoptees who dare to contradict their fairytale view of adoption! Think of all the hundreds of blogs that have been nice enough to go private so they don't have to listen to any but the views they like! See, why can't you just be positive, like them?

  19. LOL, now she has gone and deleted her comments off your other post. Couldn't hack the heat... well she shouldn't be dishing it if she can't handle it!!

  20. I wonder what the point was of her deleting her comments...I mean, I copied and pasted them word for word in my post. Weird.

  21. I think that even the most pro adoption family would find the "Blog of Shame" blogs..well, shameful. I still cant get over the woman who wouldnt take the pregnant woman whose baby they wanted to adopt to rehab because they were so desperate for a baby.

    How anyone on any side of this debate could read that(and any of the others for that matter) and not feel like throwing up is amazing and more than a little sad.

    I think you are brave for writing what you feel and saying what you think.

    "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good (wo)men do nothing" Edmund Burke

    Thank you for doing something...



Share your words of wisdom with the rest of the class. :)