Monday, March 29, 2010

Whew. (Probably TMI..Lol)

My little girl is growing up…she's going to be entering the double digit state at the end of May and I've started talking to her about the "changes" her little girl body will be going through soon. So scary!!! I started out by having her read "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret" by Judy Blume..which was a nice segway into a long car ride/talk about the book and what it means for her. She was completely Like in a "Please just turn up the radio Mum…I don't want to talk about it…" sort of mortified way. Poor girl..hahaha.

The thing is, I never had those talks with my amother. I think she just threw a medical book at me and told me to read it. My asister had already been through getting her period and all that stuff four years prior and I'm pretty sure she had just thrown the same book at my sister, hoping that she (and I) wouldn’t have any questions.

A few months ago, I was talking to my natural mom about it…and she said, "For Cate's (my natural sister) tenth birthday, I put together a "Big Girl Basket" and put all sorts of body lotions, deodrants, shaving cream, razors…pads, tampons..etc. etc. in it….". Hearing that really brought home the fact that my upbringing was so different than what it might have been. You just didn't talk about such things in my house…sex was definitely not a topic that was discussed..ever..except in the context of "only sluts have sex before marriage". Funny, by that definition, both my asister and I ended up being sluts in the eyes of our parents in spite of the fear of God we had instilled into our hearts and souls.

The other day, Madelyn wrote me an email before bed (using my computer, right in front of and then literally ran into her room to avoid starting a conversation. This is how the email exchange went:

From: xxxxxxx
Sent: Tue, Mar 23, 2010 9:01 pm
Subject: ummmmm hi

Hey Mum......I love u. How are you.......I uh I don't know
I wanna wear a bra.Please don't discuss it now.........I'm sorry.I don't have to .......bye

OMG. So I calmed myself down (I admit I was laughing really hard)…and replied:

On Tue, Mar 23, 2010 at 9:35 PM, wrote:

Hi Mad...I love you too :) We'll discuss it another day then sweetheart, okay? No worries..we'll know when it's time to go shopping...


I was pretty proud of myself for the way I responded…and then the next day, I got this:

From: xxxxxxx >
Sent: Wed, Mar 24, 2010 7:48 pm
Subject: Re: ummmmm hi

Ummmm......ok.....I really am sorry that it was so sudden.....I just sorta felt like it was time....Love you more than you know

Love Madelyn it almost time?

So, this weekend, I brought her to the store and we walked in…me striding purposefully towards the girls' section, she following behind me asking what we were getting. I didn't answer her, just kept walking right over to the girls' bras. She said, "Now??? We're doing this now???"…lol…

She picked out some cute sports bra type garments and handed them to me very quickly so she wouldn't be seen carrying them and avoided eye contact with anyone and everyone in the store, including me, until we left.

Turns out three of her friends have gotten them in recent weeks and she wanted to wear one too. My boyfriend chortled in amusement when I told him what we'd gotten…"But Honey, she doesn't NEED one yet…". I said, "That's not the point. She WANTS to wear one..and I'm not going to be like my mother and pretend that such things don’t need special attention." He shut up fairly quickly after that. Smart man.


  1. Love this post! Not sure why, but I find it so charming she sent you those emails. :)


  2. My mom was a "give you the book" mom too. And I didn't need a bra for forever because I was so small. Sports bras were not big then and would have been a great solution so I could have felt like I fit in.

  3. Hello Christina,

    I found your blog by accident, via a friend's blog. I am not an adoptee, nor have I adopted a child, though I have seriously considered it. Your blog has given me much to think about.

    I haven't commented before but wanted to tell you that I think you did a lovely job with your daughter. I didn't come from an abusive background, more a cold one. I was thrown the book too, on the day I got my period. I was reluctantly asked if I had any questions, but of course I was too embarrassed to ask. When I got home from school there was a pile of stuff on my bed. No conversation about any of it, just there it is.

    I have a 15 yo daughter. I think I did a good job explaining all this to her - I must have done ok, she feels she can talk to me about 'most' stuff. And I try very hard to not freak out at the really hard topics :-) She sends me text messages etc telling me she loves me, something I would never have even considered doing with my mum, even if text messages or email had been conceivable back then. Anyhoo - my point is that when we decide we aren't going to be our mothers, we also need to make a decisions on who we are going to be. I'm still learning as I go, I don't know that we ever stop learning. I think you did a great with your daughter on this - she will remember this when the hard stuff comes up in the future, and she'll be comfortable coming to you for advice and comfort, and that's a beautiful thing.

    Be proud of yourself and your relationship with your daughter.

    I wish you peace and all the good stuff,
    Honey xo.

  4. My amom never had "the talk" with me either. She gave me a book when I was about 11, which was meant for teens if I remember correctly. I didn't read it and she was fine with that. She didn't want to talk about it any more than I did.

  5. Btw, good for you for attempting to, LOL.

  6. Sounds like our mom's had the same playbook on this. I got the book and no discussion. We did however have a sex talk. It wen't like this "Sex is gross, it hurts and its a sin so don't be in any hurry to start it."

    I wish I could do better for my step daughter but her mom is insistant that she be kept "innocent" as long as possible. Consequently she is 9 and has no idea how ladies "get babies" and no clue ab out the things that are going to be happening to her body.

    It makes me crazy.


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