Friday, March 19, 2010

Naughtiness and Titles

Not sure if I've ever told this story before...I found this out during my first face to face meeting with my nmom and nsister.

My mom had been married to my sister and brother's dad...and they got divorced when the kids were 3 and 6 years old, respectively. He was an alcoholic and had become bitter when my mom had gotten herself sober...was abusive and just an all around peach of a human being. He knew about me...(he's not my natural father)...knew that she'd given up a baby for adoption long before he'd come into the picture.

After they'd split up, he'd taken the kids for his weekend parenting time. On the way home, he said to them, "Make sure you behave for Mommy. She'll give you away if you're naughty..she's done it before..".

The kids immediately told my mom about what he'd said when they got home. She couldn't believe that he'd had the audacity to say that to them...

That was when she explained the why's and when's of my relinquishment. She was 16 years old, hadn't told my grandparents she was pregnant until her water nfather had returned all her letters unopened.

I have a feeling that my mom's ex was expecting my brother and sister to be upset with Mom. That they'd suddenly become afraid that she would give them up too. Instead, they got excited. Knowing that somewhere there was a big sister they might get to meet someday.

What's funny is that I was always told I was bad by my aparents...that if I didn't behave I'd get "sent back". Sometimes I really wish they'd followed up on that threat. Life certainly wouldn't have been as bad.

On an entirely different note, I'm still fuming over my last Blog of Shame award winner's comeback on her blog to my post. I understand that she was offended that I called her out on her warped and twisted (and entirely UNFUNNY) sense of humor in referring to pregnant women as "breeders". First of all, my name is Christina. With an "a" at the end. Not Christine. She'd like to pretend that she didn't pay close attention to what I said, but in actuality, she did read and I think the only possible reason that she'd gotten upset is because she knows, somewhere in her heart, that she was wrong.

The woman that she'll one day call "birthmother" (HATE that term..but I know that's what E will call her) to her eventually to-be-adopted child is a breeder too. And by belittling those of us who are lucky enough to be able to carry children is just ugly and again, not humorous.

Guess that's one more negative term I can add to my titles.

I'm a Bastard. I'm an Adoptee. I'm a Naughty Baby. I'm a Girlfriend. I'm a Daughter. I'm a Sister.  I'm a Friend.  I'm a Blogger. I'm an Employee. I'm a Human Being. I'm a Breeder. I'm a Mother. I'm a Woman. I'm a Survivor.


  1. What's funny is that I was always told I was bad by my aparents...that if I didn't behave I'd get "sent back".

    Oh, Christina, not funny. Sad. Mean. Hateful.

    One of my kids came out of a really dangerous first family situation. I have spent years explaining that he is safe. He is loved. They loved him too but he is safe here which he wasn't there. But even intimating such a thing would never cross my mind.

  2. Lee..yeah, "funny" was definitely not the right term for that. Should have prefaced that with a "not funny in a Ha Ha sort of way".

  3. ChristinA -

    Sounds about like what my ex & his wife said to my then 5-year old son. They told him if he was bad, I would just "give him away" like I did his sister (that my sweet five year old didn't know about at the time). Why do adults say those kinds of things to children???? Wait - don't answer that. I don't think I want to know.

    And the winner of last week's Blog o'Shame award reminds me of Hannah from the Bible. She was so bitter/obsessed/hysterical (and not in a funny ha-ha kind of way) about not being able to have a child of her own that the prophet Eli thought she was a drunkard. Not to paint all PAP with that stereotype, but if anyone fits it, that chic certainly does.


  4. Wow! I can't believe anyone would tell such horrible things to children, especially since they are obviously said for very selfish, self-indulgent reasons - to hurt or cause harm to another.

    As for that other blogger, yeah I read her claims that some people just don't have a sense of humor and my thought is, if using the term "breeder" for women who become pregnant when you cannot is your opinion of "funny" then you are not in any way ready to adopt for any reason because it sounds a lot to me like someone who envies other women for being able to become pregnant and I can't imagine that kind of envy going away if she is allowed to adopt a child, it will just transfer onto the child's first mom and those kind of feelings NEVER create a good environment for any child.

  5. Yes that's the thing, it's ok for her to call us breeders but I doubt she would see the humor in a bunch of us with t-shirts that say stuff like "Breeder and proud." or
    "Pregnancy is the ONLY pregnancy." Then she'd go cry.

    I have plenty of a sense of humor but I don't see the point in ridiculing people whose bodies can create children.
    That's just cuckoo.

  6. Don't forget to add 'survivor' to your list!!!
    Anyone using the word breeder even in jest just hasn't got the right attitude to be an adopter.
    Don't forget to get hold of Evelyn Burns Robinson's great books on adoption, so helpful.

  7. Thanks everyone!..and Von, I added "Survivor" to my list and I will definitely check out the books.


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