Insecurity

It's going to be a hard holiday for my nsister.  Her fiance passed away in July at the tender age of 22 so this will be the first Christmas without him.  I'm worried about her...and know that she needs my love and support right now.  And so, I invited her and my nmom to our house on Christmas Day.  I told Cate (sis) that they were more than welcome to come and just get away from their town and escape for a few hours.  Didn't think anything of it until I got an email from my nmom.

She didn't think that it was a good idea for them to come to our house.  That it might stress out my afamily to have them there.  That the timing might not be great. 

I wrote back:

so here is the thing...i invited you guys to christmas because i'd love to share the holiday with you. I already passed it by Cindy and she was perfectly fine...as my mother would be. I totally understand if you aren't ready though, but just know that I'd love you to come :)

Have to go wrangle Chase into the tub..lol. Hope you had a great day!!


Love you!
 
She hasn't responded yet...but I did get a joke email from her today so she must not be too mad.  What gets me is that it shouldn't feel this shitty to have the invitation rebuked.  But it does feel shitty.  And they've already all met...under much worse circumstances...Cate's fiancee's funeral.  I hate that I can't share holidays with my family...my whole family.  I feel so fucking torn apart tonight.
 
I just want to spend Christmas with my mom.  Both of them.  Maybe that's selfish and too much to ask, but right now, I don't care.