Is It Too Late To Elope?

And the hits keep coming.  I went out for coffee with my asister last Sunday.  She's performing our wedding ceremony at her church (she's obviously a pastor).  I expressed how stressed out I really am about the planning of this grand soiree.  She calmed my nerves a bit but then asked me how I thought I was going to handle the families processing into the church.

Ummmm...I HAVE NO IDEA.

So, we have my amother (martyr extraordinaire...has to make everything about her)...my nmom (who really doesn't care what happens as long as she's invited and can see me on my special day)...S's father and stepmother and his mother and stepfather who are civil but that's about it.  I know it's my day but I am slipping back into my depression about trying to please everyone else and not myself.

In a perfect world, my mothers would walk down the aisle together...a united front...proving that I CAN have a happy ending and S's parents would be able to actually talk to each other without the tension being thick like pea soup. 

On a brighter note, I made an appointment to try on dresses....ummm...anyone wanna take bets on whether I can lose 50 pounds by April 20th?

WTF.

Heart on Fire

I still haven't heard from my natural father...but that doesn't mean I don't still stalk his and his wife's profiles on FB.  Found out today that he was in the hospital last week because he was having heart problems.  I guess he was released from the hospital yesterday.

I feel numb.  Like I don't know how to feel.

To make matters worse, even if I WANTED to say something about it on FB, I can't.  I found out by checking out the wife's daughter's page.

Time Flies

My son turned nine last night..at 10:03pm.  Unfortunately, it's his weekend at his father's so I had to just sing Happy Birthday to him in my head but I've been reminiscing and thinking about him the past two days.
How did the little baby that I rocked and cuddled with as a baby become such a grown up little man so fast?

Here he is at his first birthday..

And here is my little man singing at the Holiday Concert at the middle school this year..

He was only the second person in my life that I was able to see myself in until I was found by my natural mom.  Truly magical.  I'm so looking forward to finding out what kind of adult he is going to become someday.